im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
