You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
