there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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