Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
