Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
