For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
