I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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