How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize