put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
