proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
