Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
