I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize