just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
