so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
