dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Swine flu. Run for my life!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
