I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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