Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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