You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
