You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
