so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
