Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
