i think my tv is drunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
