I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
