you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
