I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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