best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
