I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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