So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
where am i from again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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