my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
