You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
