i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
