turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
