Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
