please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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