i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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