i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
