Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
