i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
