Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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