I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
