Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
