I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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