I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
