Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
