how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
