: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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