No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
