Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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