in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
