Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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