i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
