Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The adults are the big ones right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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