sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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