had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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