I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
