This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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