If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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