you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this will be a night to untag.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
