It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
