im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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