i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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