I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
