also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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