Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
