Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize