I think I won the penis lottery.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
