The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
