Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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