Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
