tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
