her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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