Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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