my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
