Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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