Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
