i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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