Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
