I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need moral support for this bender
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
