I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
handjob tips. give me some.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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