Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
