I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
