she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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