I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
