Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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