All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
is it fun? or sober?
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