No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
