We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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