Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think people are normalizing furries
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
