Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
