i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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