found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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