Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
