meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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