Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
