I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
