Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
as a side note pls kill me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
