I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
