All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
