We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize