so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
